1. When he ghosts you for ‘Nyama choma dates’ with his boys on your birthday.


God, you want him this early? Very well, your will shall be done!

2. When he claims he’s too busy working and yet he’s got time to comment on Vera Sidika’s updates.


Clap for yourself.

3. He calls you after 2 weeks and asks why you’ve been so quiet when YOU’RE the last on me who called.


4. When he’s got a pink ‘mother’s union’ hanging in his shower that he claims belongs to his cousin Njeri.


(say God)

5. When he’s got the housy next door calling him ‘Sweetie’.


(hope you have wriiten your will n final testament)

6. When he tells you can’t come over cos his auntie from Busia whom you never heard of before is visiting.


7. When he puts a finger print lock on his phone cos he knows you know all the combinations to his passcodes.


8. When he has to go to the shower with his phone.


stands outside shower door like…

9. When a phone call comes in and he saves the number as ‘Akinyi – cleaning lady’ when you clean all his clothes.


10. When he takes several eye-rolling snaps with a chic you never met before and calls her his ‘day 1 nigga’.



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