Sometime ago, one-time rapper and now, one-time host of cancelled popular TV entertainment and countdown show, 106 and Park, Bow Wow aka Shad Moss announced his wedding to fiancé Erica Mena. Sweet stuff right? Wrong. All hell broke out on most social media sites after comedian Tony Rock, brother to renowned actor and comedian, Chris Rock, took to his Twitter account and basically called Shad’s fiancé a whore.
Someway, somehow, rumours broke that the reality star told a friend that she has slept with 324 men and then black Twitter broke — literally.
If you somehow missed out on this madness then you’ll find it hard to believe when I say that was one of the ‘nicer’ comments. Now, body count is a very touchy subject and one I’ve tackled a few times in the past but as more and more people continued to express their views on the subject, it became obvious that I needed to revisit it. Why? Not just for us to stay socially relevant but when discussing such topics in public, it’s almost always expected that everyone tows the same line. I mean, 300? One would even imagine it would take a professional prostitute a significant amount of time to achieve such a feat (I imagine it is a feat, by the standards of a professional prostitute) but on the flip side, it’s not like we are all virgins out here you know? We discussed virginity and value systems extensively here this year and a lot of you agreed that more than we admit in public, loads and loads of us are having more sex with more partners and at younger ages than the generations before us. If this is the case then why is this issue of body count such a big deal?
Today, I’m going to share some rather unpopular opinions and hopefully, this will help us come out of our shells and by so doing, we can feel comfortable enough to engage in a proper dialogue. Let’s get into it.
Women count. Men don’t.
Any woman who tells you she doesn’t know exactly how many guys she’s slept with is either a professional prostitute (meaning, she’s been at it for a while), a sex slave or a BIG ASS LIAR. It’s like a default setting that comes with most women — the average woman is emotional about such things and even if to the guy it was nothing more than a drunken sexscapade at the back of his friends car and as a result, it’s easy for him to forget her face, her name and focus more on the entire event, to her, it’s all about the number. Well, first, and then other memories of the day may follow.
Women invented the body count phenomenon.
Following the point above, it’s easy to note that we all got to this point where we are all so aware of this body count phenomenon because of women. I’m sure a lot of women reading will disagree with this because y’all think men are the ones who make a lot of fuss about body count. Take a step back and think about how hard you made that dude work before hitting it all because you didn’t want your body count to go up. Heck, think about how many guys you’d love to give it up to right now but you haven’t and your sole excuse/reason is — body count. If women stop talking about body count, do you really think men will push this agenda?
Women Lie. Men (Not always).
Of course, because of where we are in the world today, this has become inevitable. Many women feel the need to lie about how many people they’ve been with because they think putting out the right number will scare away prospects. Very understandable and the since really, you’re the only one who knows the truth, why not keep it to yourself right? I’ll get to this in my next point. For guys — truth is, most women don’t even bother asking because they either don’t want to know (out of fear) or they just won’t believe what you tell them.
If it’s too low, they’ll be like ‘come on… fine boy like you’ and if it’s too high, they’ll just liken it to how men lie about the size of their junk. But the thing is, quite often, guys don’t lie about this because there really is no point to it. Now I’m not saying we say the truth either. Why? Because sometimes, we just don’t remember. The guys reading this right now, if I as another guy asked you, how many chics you’ve been with, you’d probably have to sit down and think — and NO, it’s not because it’s always a lot. It’s just that we do not bother with certain things.
Don’t lie but also, you don’t have to say the truth (all of it)
A lot of women may think they are doing themselves a favour by lying to their significant other but I strongly disagree. I’m not talking about random relationships now. The moment you as a woman notice things are getting very serious with a guy you’re involved with — I’m talking slowing walking towards the altar, one of the conversations you need to have with him is the previous partners conversation. Ok, for your own good, maybe it’s better if you wait till after he proposes before you have this discussion but IT MUST HAPPEN. Now, how you do it is another discussion entirely.
Obviously, if you’ve given him a figure before then, you need to stick to the script. If you haven’t, great, you have a chance to fix things, the key thing to remember here is that men are not driven by numbers except if it measures the length of our junk. When a guy asks for your body count, he’s more interested in the who, the where and the how. Why? Because we are driven by our ego that’s why. One of the worst things that could ever happen to a guy is when he goes out of his way to gloat about a chic to his guys and someone pushes him to the floor by sharing information he had never heard before.
I still consider myself young but I have already witnessed two weddings being called off for this same reason but I’ve also witnessed a lot of these so called ‘hoes’ getting married to men they never ever saw themselves with. Most of the ‘good women’ out there moan and groan about this without ever really digging deep to understand why. It’s really very simple — a chic with a high body count has little or nothing to lose so she goes out of her way to feed her man’s ego by giving him all the necessary information he needs. She might not reveal all and tell him she’s been with 300 men but she’ll tell him just about enough to get him to trust her and know that if for whatever reason in the future he almost talks himself into a shameful position, she’ll give him enough warning way ahead of time.
A man is only ready when he is.
Like I said when I commented on the OC Ukeje wedding pictures post, women still find it hard to understand the rationale behind most decisions made by men. With us, it’s never black and white. Most women are driven more by emotions than logic with a few exceptions balancing both well and with men, it’s the reverse, hence the confusion. When a man is ready to choose, he looks at the options available and with as little emotion as possible, he logically looks at the woman who ticks most of the boxes he considers paramount to building a long term relationship and based on that he makes his decision.
Except the dude is a pastor or some overly religious brother ( and I’m tempted to discuss the story of Hosea in the bible here but I’ll let it slide) , I really do not believe a guy who has been with you for months on end and has probably added to your growing list of bodies will for the sole reason of your body count leave you behind. Yes, it’s never ever that so please do not get it twisted.
Whew, I’ve gone on for too long today. Time to set up the dialogue. Share your thoughts — does body count really matter? Have you ever left a relationship solely because of his/her body count? You know the deal, use the comment box to express you — respectfully.