At first it feels like you’re going out with your small brother. Yeah. It’s a weird feeling, going on a date with a younger guy, much so 5 years younger. So if you’re 25, it means he’s 20. And if you’re 30, it means he’s 25.
There are a lot of questions that run through your mind; like should you treat him in the same caliber that you would a normal guy? By normal we’re talking about the regular-aged guy you’re used to dating. Or maybe your history of guys is dating older men, 5 years older or even higher. That means that you’re a lady who’s used to the finer things in life. Dating an older guy opens you up to new ideologies and places, ways of thinking and lifestyle. But dating a younger guy? The roles are reversed. You’d have to move from protégé to teacher.
Younger guys on the other hand, find it fascinating to date an older woman. It’s a huge stroke to their ego. Especially for a mature guy way over his years. Such guys most often than not have tried dating girls their age and felt like they couldn’t find a deeper chemistry with them. So they go for older women – who’ll stimulate their way of thinking, ideologies, places and worldviews.
But when you critically think about it, is this a deep seated issue in the younger man looking for love in the older woman? It’s been said that men date their mothers and women their fathers. Unless one is homosexual, then I’m assuming in such a situation the woman would date the mother and the man the father.
Younger men who look for relations with older women, according to Psychology today, have underlying mummy-issues. Maybe the mum wasn’t there for the guy when he was young and growing up. Subconsciously, they tend to look for a woman with traits like the mother, especially if the mum was a good mother towards them. It’s different for the guys who grew up with an absent and abusive mother; they tend to date a woman the complete opposite of their mother. Say the mother was meek and humble; they’d go for a seemingly strong and independent lady.
As for women who like to date younger guys, these are women who haven’t had the chance, felt misunderstood nor allowed to voice out their opinions when growing up. So dating a younger guy is perfect for her, she now has the ability to voice her opinions, especially to a man who’s ready and willing to listen to her.
Psychology aside, technicalities of how things are done or should be done is also a factor. Like who should pay for the date or where you should spend the night together. Since the woman often has more money, if she’s the type to spend on her man, then she’ll take the reins as the ‘masculine providing muscle’ of the relationship. The guy then gets to do all the other manly duties; like fueling the car, servicing it, paying for the rent, fixing the lights – all with the woman’s money. It’s a rare phenomenon to get a younger guy with more money than the woman. That’s one of the strong pulls to such a relationship. Gradually, the man may end up making more money than the woman, but at the initial point of contact, the woman has the final or majority say in the relationship.
Society still thinks it mundane to date a younger man. The woman is termed a sugar mami or even a cougar. But woke society embraces new ideas, love is love, and age is just but a number. Plus the hypocrisy of the situation is as loud as the fat lady who broke the glass. It’s almost considered normal for a woman to date an older man. But the reverse is ‘wrong’. Worse, the guy is termed a gold-digger. It’s unfathomable for a younger guy to look for companionship in an older woman, not when there are so many younger and more beautiful girls walking around!
The older woman may also go through a few bouts of self-esteem issues. Here’s a younger guy who’s into her – but both from two different generations and upbringings. She might begin to feel self-conscious that she’s not as young or as hip with the times as the younger man. But that’s the beauty the man sees in her. That which the woman thinks is her negative trait, is the one thing the guy finds the most attractive about her. Communication is key in such a situation. Open, honest conversations between the two; in regards to finances, social standing and emotional phases.
Plus the love-making could end up with fireworks or as a complete disaster. The woman has had a lot of experience and the younger man, not so much. But if they’re both open-minded about sex as a journey as opposed to a destination, they could both end up having the best sex lives they ever had. The woman could teach the younger man old-dog tricks and the older woman can enjoy the stamina and enthusiasm of a younger man. Win-win.
At the end of the day, it’s a relationship between two people that should be savored in time. No rush. After all, it would be such a pity to let go of a potential soulmate just because of a number.