Dear Efe,I am currently in a fix as to the next step to take in my relationship. The problem is my boyfriend’s attitude.There are times when he is so loving and other times he seems indifferent. We recently celebrated our 1 year anniversary and he didn’t even buy me anything or send me a message..same thing on my birthday and Valentine’s day, even though I went out of my way to get him a present on vals day. He also says I am fat, even though I am a size 10/12. This is my first relationship..is it supposed to be this hard or should I move on??
You didn’t say much about your status….information such as age but I am guessing you’re most likely in your early twenties.
I think you boyfriend is a bit immature and this immaturity is displaying itself in your relationship. I do not advise that you walk away from the relationship though. Not every guy is big on celebrations or special dates. (personally, I am not). Your boyfriend might not feel it is a big deal to celebrate anniversaries, valentine’s day or birthdays. Be patient with him but always let him know in non accusatory or combative terms how he is disappointing you.
He may also be a guy who grew up in an environment where putting the next person down to feel good abut yourself was normal. Calling you fat is absolutely unacceptable and it does not reflect the respect he should have for you.
Hi.I’m a young woman who has met and fallen for a man who is a mere month and a week younger than my father. I’ve always had a thing for ‘older men’, but this is the first time it is blossoming into a relationship.The thing is, he’s British. And very well-off. These things are not bad in themselves, but in the context of our relationship they’re serious complications.We really want to be together, but I’m concerned about all the judgment/stereotyping/slander I am sure to suffer as a result. Right now I’m telling myself it doesn’t matter and my happiness is more important, but I feel as if this might be naïve.I just want to get a feel for what the rest of the world thinks, to better understand the kind of drama I might be setting myself up for.Thank you,Slightly Wary Lover.
Hello Wary Lover,
No you are not being naive, just being smart and sensible. An inter racial and inter generational relationship is definitely going to be dramatic. Very dramatic. Not neccesarily between the two of you but how the rest of the world interacts with you and your relationship.You must be ready for it.
I would go down the populist lane and say as long as you are happy, it doesn’t matter what the rest of the world says because although we shouldn’t care what anybody thinks, we do care about what some people think. How do you think you closest friends and family will feel about your relationship? Your parents? Unless you do not have a solid relationship with your family and some friends, these are important questions.
All that said though, if you feel strongly enough to want ot be with this guy, do go ahead but tread carefully. I do not know anything about this dude except what you have communicated in your letter. Older guys tend to be quite manipulative. Be very sure that he feels just the same way about you as you do him. It is a known fact that some girls find guys much older than them attractive. Some girls even during their teenage years already know that they would never marry a guy who is less than 10 years older. There is nothing weird about that. However a guy just about the same age as your dad sure does raise eye brows.
To further enlighten you, I suggest you read all literature on the psychological phenomenon called ‘daddy complex’ or ‘daddy issues’
Hi EfeHey, this is kinda awkward. I haven’t revealed this in 4 years, sometimes I think it was all a dream. But I’m lying on my bed in school, its 1:40 am, and it just struck me, I think I’m a lesbian. I started doing girls in primary 5, and then I went to an all girls school, so it just continued till SS3 when I decided to stop. I havent had any relations with any one since then (am still a virgin), I’ve never had a boyfriend before (not necessarily by choose, honestly the boys just don’t come). Pls, I need advice on what to do, you know how our society is about such things. Pls I’ll like you to publish my letter, because I know there more people like me out there. But really I need advice, I want to be straight, I want to have kids, but I’m scared I won’t enjoy sex. I still get thoughts about other girls, and I have crushes on guys… Mehn, my life! Pls reply.Signed, Confused Girl.
Hello Confused girl,
If you are confused about your sexuality, you are most likely bisexual not a lesbian.
Uncovering our sexuality can be a very confusing experience most especially when we are young. There are very few spaces where we feel comfortable enough to ask the right questions and can trust the answers we get.
Being with girls is not uncommon with younger girls and it is usually a phase that passes. Considering you are still a virgin, I would suggest you wait until you become sexually active before you conclude that you are gay or that you will not enjoy sex… I hope my email is helpful….
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