Season 6 of Nairobi’s Reality TV Show ‘Nairobi Diaries’ began with guns blazing.

There’s a new girl in town; and she’s called Ipsum or Salim, or something, also known as ‘The Arab Princess’. Now, the girl is pretty, but dramatic AF. She’s a B-Club regular, probably how she ended up on the show to begin with. If you want to be an Insta-celebrity in Nairobi, just hang around B-Club every often and pap, you’ll land yourself a role in a ratchet TV show.

Mama Risper is the only lady in the show who looks like she’d got her shit going on. Not only is she planning a wedding with long-time boyfriend Brian, she’s also underway in building a home as well as got her businesses in check.

Pendo, alias ‘The Ghetto Princess’ is definitely the Joseline Hernández of Nairobi Diaries. You know how dramatic Joseline is? Yap. Pendo is ten times worse. Or not, Joseline is crazy. But Pendo and Joseline could sit together and smoke a hookah planning on deceptive moves on their men and haters all day long. She’s also fallen deep in love with Luwi. But will have to fight HARD for him, cos both princesses, the Arab and Ghetto, have their eyes set for Luwi. Just hoping h’s a worthy prince and not just another frog.

Luwi is the light-skin guy in the show. Handsome chap, but broke. You can tell from how he dresses and when he goes to a restaurant, no bottle service to match the ego. Drinks are selectively bought by the glass. But you can’t quite blame him. He’s young. Give or take 26 years old. And when they’re 26 then they don’t really swim in dollars, right? I mean the guy made a big deal of his $100 getting stolen from last season’s reunion special, money he claimed was his pay for his role in a Tanzanian soap. “But it’s not about the money,” he claimed, insinuating that Mishy is the one who actually stole the cash from him. “It’s about principles. And friends don’t steal from other friends.” Riiiiiiiiiight. We all know it’s ALWAYS about the money.

Speaking of Mishy, she’s as messy as ever. So messy is Mishy that she’s fighting with Pendo, who’s literally her only friend in the show. She’s frenemies with Risper, but after their huge fight last season during horse riding, I doubt that friendship will last for 2 seconds. She’s also beafing with Luwi, who he claimed she stole from. Her relationship with Bridget is as good as dead and she and Yola are like water and oil. You’d think she’d want to be-friend the new girl Ipsum but she tried to beat the poor girl up. So Mishy can’t really be helped, if we’re being honest. And how can we, when she refers to herself as ‘Mrs. Smash’ and ‘The Smackdown Queen’? Plus she’s pregnant, allegedly, by rapper Rayvanny. Who we never knew of until Mishy acted as though getting his child is like digging for gold. Huh. Mishy. We love to hate her.

Colonel Mustapha joined the cast last season and is still a part of it this season. There’s something pitiful about former celebrated musicians joining this cast. Look at Prezzo, we all lost respect for him when he joined the show. Thank God he left. He needs to focus on his life and career as a man. Colonel looks like he’s going through a mid-life crisis. He’s obviously sleeping with rapper Notiflow in the show, however hard they deny it. He’s also forcing a bro-sis relationship with Pendo and we honestly don’t care. Now he’s sending money to Yola at wee hours in the morning. Mustapha we see you. Get your act together and go back to making hit songs, not copying Nigerian artists in their music. You’ve got to have an accent for that. But we still love you. The fans verdict out there is that you should go back to doing you and leave that wretched show alone to the youngins.

Yola literally has no story line in this show. She’s pretty. She’s lucky she’s pretty because that’s all she’s good for. Prezzo was her storyline but they broke up so now she’s just the gossip mill in town. She’s boring. Moving on. We like her hair though. She gets ‘Best Hair Award’ in the show.

Notiflow is probably the only one taking the most advantage of this show than anyone else, well apart from Risper. She’s working on her struggling rap career. And while her English accent is fake, there’s something alluring about her. Maybe it’s the hustle that makes you feel for the girl. And her dressing is somewhat nice. She copies Rihanna in most of her outfits. We’ll give her a 6/10 in fashion. Her lyric game though, needs some serious resuscitation.

Lastly is Bridget who was in a web of juju speculations last season. Her goal was to bewitch the entire cast so she could rule over. But it backfires, because she included Mishy in her plot. And we all know Messy Mishy’s second name. Her role in this season is not quite defined yet. Verdict’s out on that one. But we’re set to see. She’s vying to be Vera Sidika so bad. What she doesn’t realize is that she’s first got to fix her face before all that’s possible! Yap. I said it.

So over all, season 6 isn’t all that. But we’ll watch, just to entertain ourselves and as a reminder that our lives aren’t as horrible and desperate as the cast members’ on this ratchet-ass show.

I heard there’s another one coming up, ‘Nairobi Queens’, starring Dela, Avril and the other lady who used to sing with Avril. Who was engaged to Mustapha!

See how tangled this Nairobi web is?

 

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