“I don’t love you anymore.”
I lowered my bottle of coke to the table; then shifted on my seat as I faced him.
“You don’t?” I asked in my husky voice. “That’s very honest.”
He smiled. Weakly.
I smiled back.
He shrugged. “We said we’d be honest.”
I said nothing; just stared at him.
He squirmed under my intense gaze, looking everywhere but at me.
This was an applaud-able task. Why? Because I’m hardly avoidable.
In fact, I’m what people call FAT. I’m very fat. I take the space of two, maybe three people.
“That breaks my heart.” I said softly.
I met Uche at the Supermarket. I turned into an aisle and he was there, walking towards me.
I moved on, pushing my trolley. People usually got bullied by my size – not him. He raised a brow. “Excuse me, please.” Giving me a look that said – ‘I won’t be bullied’.
I frowned. He smiled. I backed out for him. My first time in a very long time.
I had never loved anyone completely until Uche.
I let him see that there was more to me than my body. A captivating mind; A beautiful soul. And he saw. Yes he saw. With him, I let myself go. He was enraptured.
I know he never took me to see his friends or family. I never asked. Because I knew, the way we all know we’re going to die someday; that he was maybe a tad ashamed of his fat lady love.
I was too selfish to bother; I put my all into it. I wanted to be loved, be it fleetingly. I garnered the memories; I dug a pit, gently laid them there. Because I anticipated this day and now it was upon me.
‘You love me Uche, you do. Don’t go. Please stay. Choose me over that skinny girl I know you’ve been cheating with for months. I love you. I’m not as strong as I look or pretend to be. Don’t leave me alone with me. I’ll crumble. I’ll wither. I’ll die’
I didn’t say that.
“It breaks my heart but…. you are being honest” I said instead. And smiled again. “Have a good life, Uche.”
When he left, I slipped on my ipod earphones. Regina Spektor. “Suppose I never ever met you.. “She crooned.
Then I cried. Then I stopped crying. I picked up a large size pizza and a tub of ice-cream on my way out. I continued my life. Alone.
Some may read this and laugh. Others may read and pity. What we have represented here with a FAT person can be any physical or non-physical attribute, which a person may or may not totally be in control of. What I’d like to know is, was she wrong for going on with the relationship, hanging on; hoping for a miracle? Was he wrong for claiming honesty when clearly, he was lying? For those of us who have been Uche or the gurl; use the comment box, speak your mind.
I was privileged to contribute to this post , which was written by Pemi, our awesome in-house ‘baby blogger’ :)